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Why People Pleasing is Part of Our Psychological Fabric.

Sep 15, 2023

We often hear how people share that they are ‘guilty’ being a people pleaser. People pleasing has been portrayed as being a bad thing or a negative thing.

Given that the human condition is designed to contribute to others, our most fulfilling actions are when we do something for someone else. As we know the human condition is wired to serve.

The only road I know to meaning is through contributing to someone or something bigger than us.
Making a difference or having impact or simply leaving a positive ripple effect brings us joy. Contribution also comes in the form of our attitude as well.

Smiling to a stranger in the supermarket, letting someone pass in front of you in traffic or a coffee cue, general acknowledgment of other people’s existence is all part of making a difference.

People pleasing is wired into the very core of what and who we are as human beings. Where we can run into trouble with this is when we people please to our own detriment. But this is the same...

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The Golden Ingredient That Can Instantly Transform Your Life.

Mar 19, 2023

All of life is a continuous series of experiences. The quality of these experiences clearly influences very strongly the quality of our lives.

The quality of our lives is determined by many factors. Perhaps the most important factor is the quality of our relationships. Our relationships can absolutely amplify all our experiences. For example, watching a movie by ourselves may be an enjoyable experience.  However, watching the same movie with a friend with similar taste in movies as you, serves to make the experience even better because you can share your thoughts, opinions, and laughs and so on.

Behaviourally speaking there is one golden ingredient which seems to prove to be the glue of all relationships, especially when it comes to marriage or long-term love relationships.

This one golden ingredient is simple to apply, easy to share and does wonders for how you feel. This one key ingredient goes by many names.

Without this golden ingredient it is impossible to have a deep...

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How To Create Self Trust and Self Respect.

Oct 26, 2022

Emotional fitness is about becoming a professional giver of significance. This matters because most people have very little self respect. Self respect can be one of the most powerful and important gifts we can give ourselves. This is because self-respect provides us with clarity of boundaries, clarity of priorities and clarity of where we stand in our relationships.

Respect may also be known as significance. By embracing the notion of being a giver of significance we lay down the psychological pathway for someone to begin respecting themselves. Naturally self-respect can be defined in many ways, in this instance it is defined as valuing oneself as much as you may value anybody else you have respect for.

Self-respect matters immensely because it is a precursor to self-love. It is very difficult to be emotionally fit and well if we lack both these qualities. The next question may well be…”how do I discover, create and embrace self respect?” A great question and a...

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The Age of The Unthinkable

Mar 02, 2022

As a collective we have all experienced living our lives the last two years in ways we could not have imagined.

At the time living in Melbourne, Australia,  I thought it unthinkable that  the police and the army would literally walk our local streets to insure innocent citizens are abiding new mandate directives.

Was unthinkable that a city like Melbourne, becoming completely desolate, and that if I went for a run more than 5km from my home, I could be fined for doing so.

It was unthinkable, that we could be fined for having visitors over. Was unthinkable to feel fear and uncertainty about hugging my parents.

It was unthinkable that I could deliver all my training sessions from a 15.4 inch laptop screen.

Was unthinkable to be running a conference for 100s of people from the incredible comfort of my favourite room in my home.

Was unthinkable that we could relocate our family from our home town of 50 years, leaving everything and everyone we know to go to a  beautiful...

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How To Calibrate Your Emotional Compass.

Jul 07, 2021

Contrast and uncertainty can affect us naturally in many ways. The two ends of this affect spectrum are confusion right through to clarity. Most of us in the world over the last 18 months have experienced higher doses of uncertainty then most of us are accustomed to. I know for me personally this has created incredible clarity of what matters most. Clarity of my values, clarity on where I stand in my world view of politics, relationships and career.

When we are clear on our values, which I call our emotional compass, we are aligned to what matters most. Fundamentally, a value is an emotional state we want to experience on a consistent basis. When we follow our emotional compass, we feel emotionally well. When we don’t, we feel emotionally unsettled and vulnerable to fear.

Intimately knowing our emotional compass, breeds certainty within us. When we are clear on our values the potentiality for anxiety and depression is reduced. Clarity of values energises us and provides the...

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Boundaries boundaries boundaries!

May 05, 2021

There is a delicate balance when it comes to boundaries. There are different levels of boundaries depending on the relationship situation. How do we be ourselves at work with out oversharing or crossing lines? When or if we cross a line how do we retrace our steps? Have you ever been in a middle of a conversation and suddenly there is an awkward silence? That is the silent sound of a boundary being crossed!

Firstly, what is a boundary? There are many ways we can define this. My definition of a boundary is an awareness of which aspects of yourself is appropriate to share with someone. The way I see this is that the closer you are to someone the wider and deeper you avail aspects of yourself. The more distant you are the less of you will be available.

What does this all mean? To understand, this we need to be aware of the 5 levels of boundaries.

  1. You share activities/experiences, ideas (your life philosophy) and all values eg a best friend, a close husband/wife/love partner.
  2. You share...
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