Every new year we have an opportunity to begin again. Whether that be in our attitudes, conversations which need fixing, or new intentions to pave the way forward to new horizons.
I love the last week of every year and the first week of the new year. These for most of us are peaceful weeks. Nobody expects you to get back to them. Most of us are in relax mode. Personally, these two weeks are the purest downtime weeks of the year.
It is in these two weeks that it is worthwhile taking a psychological reflective stocktake on both a micro and macro level.
The micro being 2023 itself. The macro being all your years so far. I often will reflect on where in my collection of years lived so far does the last year stand. I don’t do this in a spreadsheet kind of a way!! I do this from an emotional and connection-based way.
What am I proud of? What could have been done differently? Who am I becoming?
The most important focus point I believe we can have, is asking ourselves if we have...
Just like physical fitness, emotional fitness has many dimensions. The goal of physical fitness is to feel good and move well. The goal of emotional fitness is for us to have a functional relationship with uncertainty. This means that we become equipped with the psychological resources to navigate life’s pressures. Similarly, we need the physical resources to handle life’s physical demands.
I am by no means an expert in physical fitness, but my own physical fitness journey has taught me that there are five key areas which seem to matter:
1. Identity - Core
Our identity is like our core strength. Core strength is what allows us to perform everyday movements like tying our shoelaces or reaching for something off a shelf. Without core strength or with a very weak core, we would experience the ripples in ways we would not enjoy.
Given the power of identity (what defines us owns us), we rarely psychologically stray from our perceived identity.
2. Life stage – Endurance.
We often hear how people share that they are ‘guilty’ being a people pleaser. People pleasing has been portrayed as being a bad thing or a negative thing.
Given that the human condition is designed to contribute to others, our most fulfilling actions are when we do something for someone else. As we know the human condition is wired to serve.
The only road I know to meaning is through contributing to someone or something bigger than us.
Making a difference or having impact or simply leaving a positive ripple effect brings us joy. Contribution also comes in the form of our attitude as well.
Smiling to a stranger in the supermarket, letting someone pass in front of you in traffic or a coffee cue, general acknowledgment of other people’s existence is all part of making a difference.
People pleasing is wired into the very core of what and who we are as human beings. Where we can run into trouble with this is when we people please to our own detriment. But this is the same...
To be frank, I never thought I’d be quoting from a John Wick movie, but here we are. Just recently I sat to watch John Wick 4 and in the penultimate scene (no spoilers here) John says to his dear friend, “ those who cling to death live”, his friend responds with, “…and those who cling to life die.”
What does this even mean?
Let’s go to first half of this mind shifting soul stirring string of words. “Those who cling to death live.” Clearly this is just my interpretation and I’m sure many of you would have a different slant or purview into this fascinating life insight.
Put simply, it is about being unafraid of death. How do we become unafraid? There are a couple of thought points I would love to share.
1. Practically every near death experience (NDE) that has been studied, researched and categorised, show us that when the NDEr comes back to full waking consciousness, any fear of death has been completely vanquished! In fact,...
Over the last 17 years, having trained well over 7000 coaches who work out in the field, delivered 1000s of hours 1:1 mentoring, coaching and guiding people from all walks of life, having delivered 1000s of trainings, shared with 100s of conferences, and delivered well in excess of 10,000 hours of group coaching, there is ONE THING that impacts your potential more than anything else.
This ONE THING will most definitely decide your success, your impact and your quality of life. This ONE THING is a big deal. How YOU deal with this ONE THING will also determine the level of impact you can make on your client’s or teams lives.
That ONE THING is the quality of your relationship with uncertainty. There are only 3 ways to deal with uncertainty and only ONE of these ways will work. This is not my opinion; it is the very nature of the journey we are all on.
Most people try to go around uncertainty. That doesn’t work. Some people stop in the face of uncertainty and freeze,...
So many people on the journey from ambition to meaning, fail to realise their dreams, whatever they may be. Given that most have to work full time and more to finance their families and lifestyles, there doesn’t seem to be a way out of the ambition driven world and into the meaning driven world. The meaning driven world is a life of emotional, spiritual and physical alignment. A life which brings profound joy, and incredible satisfaction.
Well, let’s look at how we can change this, right now.
We all have flashes of inspiration to do something, or learn something, and/or work on something, which we know matters to our business or our lives or our relationships. The poorest and most popular excuse is ‘I don’t have time.’
What if I was to share with you the solution, the antidote, the way out of the quagmire of getting caught up in aimless, purposeless actions which only address dramas, obligations and distractions. To be clear, yes, we all have...
For this episode we dive deeply into the wise words of Dr David R Hawkins who shares with us how simple shifts can heal us from any crisis point we may have experienced. Life crises are choice point crises. Whether we consciously make those choices or not, either way they are being made.
Below are his wise words, taken from his wonderful book “Letting Go.”
One benefit from a life crisis is greater self-awareness. The situation is overwhelming, and we are forced to stop all of our diversionary games, take a good look at our life situation, and re-evaluate our beliefs, goals, values, and life direction. It is an opportunity to re-evaluate and let go of guilt. It is also an opportunity for a total shift in attitude. Life crises, as we pass through them, confront us with polar opposites. Shall we hate or forgive that person? Shall we learn from this experience and grow, or resent it and become bitter? Do we choose to overlook the other person’s shortcomings and our...
All of life is a continuous series of experiences. The quality of these experiences clearly influences very strongly the quality of our lives.
The quality of our lives is determined by many factors. Perhaps the most important factor is the quality of our relationships. Our relationships can absolutely amplify all our experiences. For example, watching a movie by ourselves may be an enjoyable experience. However, watching the same movie with a friend with similar taste in movies as you, serves to make the experience even better because you can share your thoughts, opinions, and laughs and so on.
Behaviourally speaking there is one golden ingredient which seems to prove to be the glue of all relationships, especially when it comes to marriage or long-term love relationships.
This one golden ingredient is simple to apply, easy to share and does wonders for how you feel. This one key ingredient goes by many names.
Without this golden ingredient it is impossible to have a deep...
It has been years since I have set ‘goals.’ The thought of setting another income goal, or health goal, or business goal I find draining, repetitive and boring. Goals are often confused with targets. Nothing wrong with targets if they help you focus, so go for it if it works for you.
What if instead we did this ONE new thing? This ONE new thing beautifully fulfils one our most important needs: our need for growth. This is our perpetual need. Without growth we die. Nothing stays still for very long. Everything in the universe without exception is expanding or shrinking, breathing out or breathing in, green and growing or ripe and rotting.
The precursor to growth is uncertainty. Uncertainty is presented to us in various forms. It can be experienced in an array of flavours and colours.
It can be experienced by embracing (instead of resisting) challenges presented to us. It can be invited into our lives as a form of adventure, or for some of us in the form of variety and...
Many people waste a lot of energy on aspects of life that are outside of their control. Life in general is outside our control. We have no control over what can happen from moment to moment let alone the journey over a lifetime.
We can’t control how others will respond to us and in what manner. We can’t control our outcomes. Outcomes are unique echoes of our actions. Anything can happen.
We have no control over all the automated functions of our body. We have no control over the weather, the economy, the markets, our teams, our children.
We have no control as to how our business or career will go next year.
We have no control over how long it will take to renovate that house.
We have no control over most things!
In fact, almost everything in our lives is out of control.
The ego though, holds on for dear life, trying to convince us that we are in control.
If we can place our ego aside there are 3 crucial choice points within which we do have control.