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How To Create The Clarity For What You Don’t Know You Want.

Most people on the planet can, with great clarity tell you what they don’t want. However, if we asked the same people what they do want, in most cases we would be met with blank stares, a vague response or most certainly would lack the same level of crystalline clarity.

Mostly, this is because what we don’t want, we have already had, and we either hated it, or we are bored of it, or a blend of both. Lots of people also remain stuck in what they don’t want. This is because of a secret addiction, an addiction to certainty.
This addiction comes in many disguises. “Better the devil you know…..” is the most common disguise. Most people would rather stay in that ordinary, relationship or job, which lacks love or any kind of joy because it its known. For most the unknown, is scarier than the known.

Ironically, the opposite is true. Given that growth is a perpetual need of the human condition, all growth is in the unknown. Staying in the known us scarier because the inevitable destination is some kind of depression. Hence, living a beige ordinary extremely predictable existence, is scarier than trying something new.

The psychology of living with what I don’t want is completely different from the psychology of what I do want. When trying to apply the thinking that gives the clarity of what we don’t want to what we do want we will all be mostly faced with a vague, blank or no where as near level of clarity.

This addiction to certainty leads many people to expend more energy and time moving away from what they don’t want. They make what is known as moving away decisions instead of moving toward decisions.

What is the difference? A moving away decision is based in fear. It is a form of escape. Whether that escape is physical or psychological. When we make a moving away decision it is very difficult to find peace or joy or even have any kind of settling kind of feeling. Feeling unsettled and lacking in any kind of peace, infiltrates every part of our daily lives. This in turn influences the way we make other decisions.

This is an unsustainable way of living because once we have distanced ourself far enough away from the pain or whatever we are running away from, we will begin the journey of sabotaging our way back to where we started.

Have you ever heard of yo yo dieting or someone losing a stack of weight only to put it back on? For example, if I make a moving away decision for my health by losing weight, I am being motivated by the fear of what may happen if I don’t lose that weight. This may seem an effective strategy when I begin, but as soon as I am far away enough from that pain, old habits creep back in, the sabotage and justifications begin and I will end up where I started and in some cases, worse off. My focus here would be predominated by what I don’t want.

What you focus on expands, and what you don’t focus on ceases to exist in your experience.

We can change focus. This can be done by applying a moving toward decision making strategy. These are high quality decisions which are aligned to our values. These decisions are from the soul or the heart and love, and they often will involve a level of faith. For example, if I decide to lose weight as a moving toward decision, I am making that decision from a place of love, and focusing on who I want to become. There is no focus on what I don’t want. There is a focus on a new imagined life.

A moving toward decision gives rise to new experiences, growth and more love of life and self.

A moving toward decision expands and deepens our spirit. It brings on a new reality which has zero reference points to any past experiences. This is a crucial distinction. A moving toward decision has zero reference points to our historical narrative. Whilst a moving away decision is based on actual reference points of experience from our past. When we make decisions with no reference points we are longer slaves to our story.

These kinds of experiences bring a level of unspeakable joy and a deeper settled way of being.

When we make moving toward decisions we don’t know if they will work out. All we have is our commitment to purpose. Purpose in the sense of a way of being.
When we moved our family to Noosa, Queensland from Melbourne, Victoria, we had no idea if it was going to work out. We had been living happily in Melbourne all our lives for over 50 years!!! This decision had zero reference points. In other words, we had no previous experience to draw on, only our hearts and our commitment to purpose.

We now have clarity that it was an incredibly great decision. Another crucial distinction is that the clarity came later. It came as a result to our commitment to purpose. Purpose of what? The purpose our souls have come to experience. In other words, this was a decision of heart, not mind. Logically why would we do this when our lives in Melbourne were, comfortable, safe, established and enjoyable?

Most people will never act on the wisdom of their hearts because they are waiting for clarity to come first. They are clinging to what they know.

There is no way we would have any clarity about our move, if we waited for clarity or even tried to ‘become’ clear before we committed.

Moving toward decisions is how we grow, it is how we introduce new experiences. It is how we become more. Moving away decisions defends and ‘protects’ our past. It is a clinging kind of energy. When we cling we don’t grow. Moving toward decisions are a healthy way of training ourselves to let go of what we know and embrace something new. This is a wonderful way to prepare ourselves for the ultimate letting go…..the letting go of our bodies, lives and all it has bought. It is a healthy preparation for post life existence….or some would call home.

Thank you for reading, love Joe.

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