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Why People Pleasing is Part of Our Psychological Fabric.

Sep 15, 2023

We often hear how people share that they are ‘guilty’ being a people pleaser. People pleasing has been portrayed as being a bad thing or a negative thing.

Given that the human condition is designed to contribute to others, our most fulfilling actions are when we do something for someone else. As we know the human condition is wired to serve.

The only road I know to meaning is through contributing to someone or something bigger than us.
Making a difference or having impact or simply leaving a positive ripple effect brings us joy. Contribution also comes in the form of our attitude as well.

Smiling to a stranger in the supermarket, letting someone pass in front of you in traffic or a coffee cue, general acknowledgment of other people’s existence is all part of making a difference.

People pleasing is wired into the very core of what and who we are as human beings. Where we can run into trouble with this is when we people please to our own detriment. But this is the same...

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Powerful Questions When In Crisis.

Apr 05, 2023

For this episode we dive deeply into the wise words of Dr David R Hawkins who shares with us how simple shifts can heal us from any crisis point we may have experienced. Life crises are choice point crises. Whether we consciously make those choices or not, either way they are being made.
Below are his wise words, taken from his wonderful book “Letting Go.”

One benefit from a life crisis is greater self-awareness. The situation is overwhelming, and we are forced to stop all of our diversionary games, take a good look at our life situation, and re-evaluate our beliefs, goals, values, and life direction. It is an opportunity to re-evaluate and let go of guilt. It is also an opportunity for a total shift in attitude. Life crises, as we pass through them, confront us with polar opposites. Shall we hate or forgive that person? Shall we learn from this experience and grow, or resent it and become bitter? Do we choose to overlook the other person’s shortcomings and our...

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What is your circle of fantasised truth?

Dec 24, 2021

That does not make sense! How can the words fantasised and truth go together? The core psychological construct which sits behind all ‘truth’ are our belief systems. Our belief system can be defined as a series of conditioned convenient assumptions.

Let’s be clear about truth first. Naturally there are universal truths that are factually present all the time regardless of what we believe. Gravity will always exist, evil exists, darkness exists, kindness and compassion exist.

The focus here in this conversation though is our interpretation of these truths and all the other perceptions of truths. It is our belief system which flavours and influences how we see truth.

The circle of fantasised truth depends on which part of the elephant are you touching whilst blindfolded. If you have never seen a whole elephant and you are holding onto its tail, then that is what an elephant is to you.

I recently have had a experience of this playing out in my life. We have our house...

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Are You Healthy For Me?

Sep 22, 2021

A recent conversation with my wife inspired a spontaneous insight! I shared with Silvana that she is so healthy for me.  This simply means that in all kinds of ways she has challenged my notion of who I am and what is possible. When someone is healthy for us they awaken aspects of us which would have otherwise remained dormant.

Let’s really think about this….they awaken aspects of us which remain dormant within us. In other words, they love us into being. They love aspects of us into being which otherwise would be lost to the world forever. A relationship that is healthy for us amplifies our potential and magnifies our beauty, our light and our darkness as well.

Unhealthy relationships do the opposite. They minimise us and prevent us from being on the path which births our potential to the world. If we were to be unhealthy for each other, we would be living in fear and in complete violation of our values. We would be continually looking for something outside of...

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The Spectrum of Perception

Aug 25, 2021

According to Dr David R. Hawkins, we cannot experience reality directly. All we have is our perception of reality. This means, for all of us, that reality is perception. All our perceptions are different therefore all our realities are different. Many assume that the way they see the world is the same as their neighbour or friend, when in fact they are different experiences of the ‘same reality.’

We have seen how true this is over the last year or two with all the goings on in the world. In fact, perceptions of reality have been stretched and divided even more, recently. Here’s the thing that can be difficult for us to recognise or even see. We are all talking about the same thing but from completely different vantage points.

To understand this more clearly, let’s turn our attention to water. Yes water. Depending on environmental conditions, water can appear in so many ways. At one extreme, under very hot conditions we have steam. At the other end of the same...

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How To Calibrate Your Emotional Compass.

Jul 07, 2021

Contrast and uncertainty can affect us naturally in many ways. The two ends of this affect spectrum are confusion right through to clarity. Most of us in the world over the last 18 months have experienced higher doses of uncertainty then most of us are accustomed to. I know for me personally this has created incredible clarity of what matters most. Clarity of my values, clarity on where I stand in my world view of politics, relationships and career.

When we are clear on our values, which I call our emotional compass, we are aligned to what matters most. Fundamentally, a value is an emotional state we want to experience on a consistent basis. When we follow our emotional compass, we feel emotionally well. When we don’t, we feel emotionally unsettled and vulnerable to fear.

Intimately knowing our emotional compass, breeds certainty within us. When we are clear on our values the potentiality for anxiety and depression is reduced. Clarity of values energises us and provides the...

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The True Meaning of Having The Courage To Be You

Jun 23, 2021

I have always thought (and still do) think that having the courage to be you is to be more loyal to our own values than to the values of others. Extending this thought even more is having the courage to grow and embrace new experiences, both chosen and not chosen.

To dive deeper into courage let’s turn our attention to the wonderful words of Socrates describing Plato’s story called “The Republic” some 2400 years ago. This story’s central focus is Plato’s cave. Socrates described a group of people who lived chained in a cave all their lives. This whole time they faced a blank wall.

All they could see was this blank wall and some shadows reflecting on it from things passing by a fire behind them.

This dazzling show of shadows on this blank wall became their lives…completely. These shadows, sadly, would be the closest the cave’s prisoners would get to seeing reality. They had continually been told about this outside world. However, they...

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Boundaries boundaries boundaries!

May 05, 2021

There is a delicate balance when it comes to boundaries. There are different levels of boundaries depending on the relationship situation. How do we be ourselves at work with out oversharing or crossing lines? When or if we cross a line how do we retrace our steps? Have you ever been in a middle of a conversation and suddenly there is an awkward silence? That is the silent sound of a boundary being crossed!

Firstly, what is a boundary? There are many ways we can define this. My definition of a boundary is an awareness of which aspects of yourself is appropriate to share with someone. The way I see this is that the closer you are to someone the wider and deeper you avail aspects of yourself. The more distant you are the less of you will be available.

What does this all mean? To understand, this we need to be aware of the 5 levels of boundaries.

  1. You share activities/experiences, ideas (your life philosophy) and all values eg a best friend, a close husband/wife/love partner.
  2. You share...
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Decision Making Made Clear and Easy.

Apr 20, 2021

Has making a decision ever given you even more confusion? Has it left you feeling despondent or disappointed? Have you ever found yourself stuck on the wheels of procrastination whilst trying to make a decision?

In order to eliminate confusion, disappointment and procrastination, we need to become aware that there are fundamentally two kinds of decisions.

  1. Macro Decisions (made slowly)
  2. Micro Decisions (made quickly)

Macro decisions are the big picture decisions which can impact our life situation significantly. These can  be (not always) reasonably complex and may involve others or perhaps consulting someone else who may or may not be impacted by the decision. Micro decisions are like the sub decisions related to the macro big picture decision. Once macro is clear all micro decisions happen quickly, and this is where we find clarity, great energy and momentum.

Great! So how does all this translate to real everyday life? I’m glad you asked . Earlier this year my wife...

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The Most Dangerous Word In The English Language.

Mar 17, 2021

The most dangerous word in the English language is…..conclusion. If we were to allow ourselves to arrive and land on a conclusion about anything our emotional fitness is about to take a hit. The psychology of ‘conclusion’ potentially introduces rigidity in our thinking. Rigid thinking is a sign of immaturity.

Arriving at a conclusion closes us off to new possibilities. If I can really go out on a limb, arriving at a conclusion is a form of arrogance. Let me explain!! We experience our everyday lives via a spectrum of perception with sliding scales of awareness. Dear lord, what does that even mean?  Lets use water as an example. At one end of the temperature (perception) spectrum we have steam and at the opposite end of the temperature spectrum we have ice. In between that we have water in liquid form from freezing cold right through to boiling hot before it becomes steam.

If water had an ego, steam would come out and say with great certainty, ‘I am...

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