The SINGLE Most Important Relationship In Your Life (NOT what you may think…)

Decades of research into psychedelics, dating back as far as the 1950’s reveals that in most instances the experience of taking a psychedelic of some kind, significantly expands our perspective. By expanding one’s purview on life, broadening our perspective, and seeing through the stories we tell ourselves, our perception of what has happened in our lives can change very quickly. Psychedelic means ‘mind or soul revealing.’

A neuropsychopharmacologist, called Professor Robin Carhart-Harris says, “A lot of mental illness appear to be a kind of defensive reaction to uncertainty. To give oneself a kind of assuredness in the world. Even if it means developing an eating disorder which gives us control over something.” Personally, I find this astoundingly crucial to realise!!

Th starkest of contrasts is if we are trying to unlock a padlock without the key seems nigh impossible, but if we have the key, it becomes the simplest task on earth to perform. Naturally human behaviour is much more complex, HOWEVER based on my experience of living and helping people, when you have an accurate focus point in your life, where you can work on something that can make a massive difference in your life, this becomes very exciting.

Pareto, the Italian economist, discovered a pattern in how numbers work by discovering the 80/20 rule. For example, we will spend 80% of our time in 20% of the house, or we may wear 20% of our clothes 80% percent of the time. Whilst this is not perhaps exact, the overarching nature of this pattern is accurate.

If we spent 10% - 20% (this is just a guide) of our energy on improving the ONE relationship that matters the MOST! This is our relationship with uncertainty. This would serve us on many levels. Here are 3 of the most important reasons:

1. Significantly reduces our vulnerability to a mental illness (most likely on the form of anxiety and depression)
2. Boosts our emotional fitness, which means we can tolerate discomfort for longer periods of time, meaning we can better navigate difficult situations.
3. Growth is a perpetual need of EVERYTHING in the universe. We can only grow in the presence of uncertainty. The irony is that without uncertainty we would die!!!

Uncertainty can be expressed and experienced in our lives in many ways. Three very important ways it can be consciously introduced is 1. Variety 2. Challenge 3. Adventure.

If we don’t consciously invite uncertainty into our lives, life will. If we don’t squeeze life, it will squeeze us. Remember, everything in the universe is deigned to grow. We need varying forms of uncertainty to grow.

Most of us have been conditioned to be afraid of uncertainty, however it may not be that scary after all if we see it expressed as variety, challenge and adventure.

Here are three different levels we can invite uncertainty in healthy ways:

Easiest level:

1. Variety: laughter, breaking up routines so we are doing something different every week eg eating something new, or going to a new place to do food shopping, have a day every week dedicated to doing a new thing eg walking down a street in your area you have never been down, taking a different from of transport to work or going a different way…

Little more challenging level:

2. Adventure: planning and going on holiday somewhere you have never been, a foreign country you know little about. Trying a new food. Exploring new ideas with a friend, learning a new language, taking up a new skill, trying a new experience.

More big picture/challenging:

3. Challenge: This can be expressed in so many ways which can either have a temporary impact or in most instances something more permanent or profound. Some examples here (which I have personally embraced): changing career direction/path, learning a completely new skill or way of making an income, embracing a physical feat which draws every ounce of your being (I still remember how scared I was of running my first full marathon), packing up, selling up and moving states or countries, starting a new relationship.

Our spirit soars when our egos are threatened or challenged – THIS we must all remember!!

Remember we are talking about only 10-20% of our energy or time building our relationship with uncertainty and the rest of our time is invested in things, experiences, people and places we know very well, which brings us certainty, comfort, safety and security.

Of course we all know that life doesn’t work perfectly this way where we can consistently  spread our energy in this way. For example, when we sold up our life in Melbourne, leaving everything we have known, including our dearest friends and family, and moving north into Noosa Queensland, we were expending 80% of our energy into the unknown.

Preparing our house for sale, finding a new home in Queensland, embracing the challenge of doing a 14 day quarantine in a 30m2 room with no balcony or opening window, finding all our basic bearings on arrival, meeting new people, running a business, kids starting at a new school etc.