How do we build real, deeper sense of confidence and esteem?

One of the reasons why so many people suffer various versions of anxieties, depressions, and general low self-worth and lack of confidence is because they are emotionally and spiritually isolated. They may have plenty of people around them and have been able to figure out how to fit in, but on the inside don’t feel they belong.

We can all fit in by simply mimicking the behaviours, language, and attitudes of those groups. Sometimes fitting in can be the direct opposite. Go quiet, not contribute and basically be physically present, uttering all the right noises, but on the inside, you couldn’t be more out of alignment.

If all we have are groups of people we hang out with where we are completely outsourcing our power and character to the whims of the ‘needs’ of these groups, it is inevitable that we will get to a point where we can’t take it anymore. In the extreme of this people, disappear from these groups never to be seen again. They simply stop showing up. In the super extreme of this, they stop showing up for everything in their lives and contemplate taking their life.

Human behaviour is a complex thing, and there are perhaps hundreds of ways to explain various behavioural patterns. I believe that one of the reasons why people have these issues is because their inner world lacks a place for it to be externally expressed. There is a lack of expression of their truth, their ‘weird’ thoughts, their creativity, their unique perspective, their thoughts. It is very difficult to have a great life with highly functioning relationships when you don’t have a friend who you can let into your inner world.

Amazingly, the day I began to share my inner thoughts with a friend, was the day my healing began. It’s one thing talking it out to a professional, and a completely different thing talking it out with a friend, where both of you are there by pure choice. I believe that to have someone in our lives who we can talk to takes a different state of being and essence in comparison to paying a professional. Let me be clear, that both roads take courage. It takes courage and self-honesty to realise that help is needed. Either channel is very useful.

The point here is this…. who do we need to be to have someone in our lives who we can express our inner world too, and who in turn can do the same for and to us? Compare that to who do we need to be to not have this and rely on professional channels alone. I believe one is very sustainable and one not so much. This is not putting down people who work with people professionally in this capacity. I am one of them!!! My goal with any client has always been focused on, who do they need to become so they don’t need me or anyone like me anymore.

This is why one of the most important journeys we can all ever take is a journey to the centre of our world. Our inner world. On the inside, we are all the same. We have the same fears, foibles and vulnerabilities. By working on understanding the inner emotional and spiritual makings we begin to live a life of more depth, fulfilment and meaning. There are many roads to our inner Rome.

The ego voices in all of us don’t like us exploring our inner world. The ego is fundamentally a survival mechanism. It is designed, to keep us safe, keep things the same. One of the ways it does this is to keep reminding us of past hurts and dramas. It doesn’t just want us to look at our past, it wants us to stare at it. It knows that when we are tuned into past FM, we cannot hear the music of any other station. Chances are for most people, that when we consider taking some time, effort and energy to look within, the ego, like the wizard in the wizard of oz, will put on some show of distraction.

The ego has some many elegant distraction strategies. Here a sample of strategies:
• I have responsibilities, I don’t have time for this fluffy stuff.
• I am too busy
• There are other things more important
• I am hungry
• I need to (insert any action) here
• I don’t need this s**t

And so on….

By learning skills like meditation, mindfulness, learning to enjoy my own company. Taking time out for myself, just for the sake of myself. Going on weekend retreats to learn more about consciousness, or to be curious about worlds that exist behind our five sensors, being curious about where do we go when we die. These interests have led me to all kinds of adventures, meeting many amazing people. It changed my life. It is vital to learn how to access our inner worlds, so we can begin connecting with our essence, our truth, our spirit.

Suddenly, the dramas of the external world matter less. We have less need to be distracted by drama and be filled with a connection to something within. The same inner something everyone else has.

We begin laughing at the things in life which we and so many others take so seriously. Hearing a radio announcer introducing the news as “here’s what you need to know…” just made me giggle so hard that I couldn’t hear anything he had to say! Like what is it exactly in the news that I need to know that badly that it will alter the direction of my day and change my life? 99% of the time….nothing.

The deeper you connect with your inner world, the more you will be able to handle out there. There is no more important journey than that. I do recognise the irony as I am typing, where I guess I am saying, ‘here’s what you need to know!!!” Now that is truly hilarious!!!! Thank you for reading.